Worth A Thousand Words

Mile 22 is a vehicle for Mark Wahlberg--but it's a derivative, idiotic, and honestly bananas "film" that makes very little coherent sense. Marky Mark's character is some high functioning "gifted" "on the spectrum" low-rent version of Affleck in The Accountant  crossed with an attempt to be John Wick or Jason Bourne, who knows, but he monologues a LOT and basically leaves testosterone everywhere on the screen. #yawn. He's accompanied into the "ops" by Lauren Cohan from The Walking Dead , Rhonda Rousey and another guy who gets killed. They are a super-secretive CIA black ops group that goes around murdering "hostiles" so that they can find some codes that will stop the world from ending. Whatever. #yawn. I can barely function casting sentences for this nonsense. The plot: some random cop has the codes to the key that opens the files that tells them where the nuclear material is, it's all time sensitive, and he wants to...

I'd already rented The Spy Who Dumped Me when it first became available, I found the trailers infectious, and really enjoy Mila Kunis's comedy (except the second Bad Moms movie, and sort of the first, because it was really just kind of dumb). Overall, I'm not 100% sure this movie's effective--it's no Spy , but it had its own certain charm, mainly at the hands of Kate McKinnon, who is really hilarious. The plot's a bit thin, Mila and Kate get sucked into some sort of international espionage when her boyfriend, Justin Theroux and his eyebrows & abs, leaves her with a vital piece of information she has to deliver or the end of the world or something. Oh, it doesn't matter--they have wacky hijinks overseas, snack Sam Heughan joins them, there's a lot of funny one-liners, and some fun action scenes, and overall I enjoyed it. Worth a thousand words? Not really. But at least it's inching closer to a film where women are at the centre, and while...

I'm falling a bit behind these last couple weeks. Week #2 was Deadpool 2 , which is solid, enjoyable and fun, and so meta . I hate using that word. I'm sorry. The story picks up shortly after the first movie ended, with Wade Wilson reunited with his love, Vanessa (Morena Baccarin), and (spoilers, but come on the movie's been out for months, if you haven't see it, you can't blame me at this point) they're looking to start a family. So, of course, something terrible happens to Vanessa (she's shot by some bad guys), and that sets up the plot for the balance of the movie. It's Bourne Revenge meets Guy Whose In Mourning and (yawn) this kicks off some bad decisions on Wade's part--despite his being forced into attempting to deal with his feelings by the metal man, Colossus (I know, comic books). Here's the thing. The movie is fun. The movie is desperately entertaining. Ryan Reynolds is legitimately hilarious. But, meh. Do you know what's f...

Honestly, what to say about Tag , directed by some guy whose other notable IMDB credits include a TJ Miller special (ugh) and other comedy specials by standup fellows I do not know, this movie felt like a rehash of every other buddy comedy starring middle-aged men acting like buffoons. I know it's based on a Washington Post story, I know Annabelle Wallis's character was "real," but come on, the plot is so thin you couldn't hang your laundry on its line. A bunch of guys have an ongoing game of tag that's continued into adulthood. <<SPOILER>> There's one of them who has a deeper reason for wanting this year to be the year that they finally get Jerry Pierce (Jeremy Renner), who, in all their years of playing, yawn, has never been tagged. That's it, that's the plot of the entire movie . There are no "stakes" (except the "emotional" journey of Ed Helms's character Hoagie, but that's so manipulative and ...

Thinking about the best way to get back into some sort of regular writing routine, I mean, it's been years, and trying to find a way to talk about the parts of pop culture that I love--books (also culture, culture), movies, and television, I've got a challenge for myself this year. #1. Watch the Apple $0.99 cent movie of the week and then write a review. Maximum length: 1,000 words. #2. If it's based on a book, read the book first. If it's a sequel, no need to have watched the previous films, and... #3. Don't put a time limit on your reviews. One week I might write three reviews, I might go a month without writing any (and probably forget the film once I get there... mom brain). #4. Try not to cloud my judgement by watching OTHER movies that week... And see what happens. Are they good? Do they roughly appeal to my demographic? What themes appear? Will I care by the end of the year, probably not, and I'll probably give up halfway through, but it's a...